remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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