Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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