Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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