i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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