Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
