Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
