I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Randomize
