im six kinds of drunk right now
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
