I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
