You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize