they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I could fuck to npr.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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