I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
