I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
