R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
