I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
