Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
