Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
