they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
