doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
