Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
