Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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