I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
