Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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