Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
