I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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