we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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