I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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