Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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