An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
