She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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