dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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