One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
