I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
