I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
