awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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