so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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