yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
