I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
