I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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