I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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