its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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