We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
