Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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