Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
