My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
