I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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