Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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