is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
