At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
