Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
