so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
