he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
