Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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