I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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