I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
