So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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