We're facebook friends in real life
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
