yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
