The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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