so that wasnt chicken after all
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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