NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
