So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
