The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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