my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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